PURE HILARITY

A couple of funny items, the first an e-mail, of course from none other than Justin in NYC, and then a joke of my own making:

"IM A COUPLE DAYS BEHIND.. I JUST READ ABOUT HOW YOU READ BASEBALL PREVIEWS.. AND IT ONCE AGAIN REINFORCED HOW YOU ARE INSANE.. JUST LIKE ME.
WHILE I DON'T HAVE A SPECIFIC SYSTEM FOR READING PREVIEW ISSUES (EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT I FORCE MYSELF TO READ EVERY WORD AND NOT SKIP AHEAD TO MY FAVORITE TEAM, NO MATTER WHERE THEY ARE LISTED IN THE TABLE OF CONTENTS).. I DO HAVE A VERY SPECIFIC PROCEDURE FOR READING SPORTS ILLUSTRATED...

1) LOOK AT THE THREE PICTURES AT THE FRONT
2) I ALWAYS SKIP THE EDITORS NOTE AND TABLE OF CONTENTS PAGE
3) I READ EVERY LETTER, AND COMMENT OUT LOUD ON WHETHER I AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THE LETTER WRITER'S OPINION
4) I READ THE SCORECARD SECTION (WHICH AS OF TWO WEEKS AGO HAS BEEN MELDED WITH THE SI PLAYERS SECTION, WHICH IS GOOD CAUSE THAT'S A COOL SECTION THAT I ALSO LIKE AND USUALLY READ 5) NEXT)
6) THUMB THROUGH THE MAGAZINE AND DECIDE WHICH ARTICLES I WILL EVENTUALLY READ AND IN WHAT ORDER (AGAIN.. THIS IS DONE OUT LOUD)
7) I READ THE INSIDE SPORTS SECTIONS (INSIDE BASEBALL, HOCKEY, THE NBA ARE MUSTS..AS IS THE ONCE A YEAR COLLEGE HOCKET ONE... NFL AND COLLEGE BASKETBALL ARE READ 75% OF THE TIME... TENNIS AND OLYMPIC SPORTS ARE ONLY READ IF IM TRAPPED IN THE BATHROOM AND I'VE READ EVERY OTHER WORD IN THE MAGAZINE. INSIDE MOTOR SPORTS IS NEVER READ UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES
8) FINALLY I GO BACK AND READ THE ARTICLES IN THE PREVIOUSLY DETERMINED ORDER."

I feel like Justin just got through yelling at us. I've just come to the decision I prefer all lowercase to all caps. The funniest thing from Justin's e-mail has to be the fact that some of this is done out loud. The saddest thing...when I did get Sports Illustrated, I read it the very same way, but then I stopped reading the articles due to time constraints, and cancelled my subscription.

AND THEN THIS: The other night during the Rangers-Islanders game, Chris Simon swung his stick viciously and nailed Ryan Hollweg. Simon was suspended indefinitely by the NHL.

The NHL is trying to make players think of the consequences before they behave carelessly with their sticks. The NFL is now thinking about adopting a similar protocol for Tom Brady.